mon journal

2002-12-17T02:12:00.000-08:00

from the sunscreen song: "Understand that friends come and go. But to a precious few, you should hold on."

i met some old faces on sunday. it was certainly refreshing. suddenly my 17-yr old self came back n i behaved differently. i guess the nice thing abt meeting old frens is that there is so much that you can catch up on, ever since u parted ways. there is this common understanding between one another n there is no need for any "performance" watsoever. because u trust them to already know u real well.

2002-12-14T05:31:00.000-08:00

FWAH!!..volcano high was SUPERB..thats according to my tastes anyway. i cant describe it man..u've juz gotta watch it! my fave was HAK-rim..a fearsome guy in sch with supernatural powers..just loved the way he talks, move, walk..ha! n not forgetting the vice-captain of the kendo team...damn nice hair..really damn nice. the story line is good, good actors n actresses, good dialogue....every shit is good man.

n i dont even speak korean.

2002-12-13T07:27:00.000-08:00

wow. this feels funny. im in a good but lonely mood. no frens yesterday, today n tmr. only lookin forward to sunday. but yet im smiling cos i just saw taibah online. she was in an internet cafe in penang. woah, do i have so much to tell her when she gets back. poor thing she still hasn't tasted the holidays fully yet.for me, i guess it doesnt make much diff. after the marathon, my life on the social scale is next to nothing. its a slow n painful process but i've gotta build my social circle frm scratch. so far yihui has helped tremendously, not only for the run but ideas she puts in my head to spur me on..ha! thats wat the cleched fist in her painting represents...birth n strength. cant wait for taibah to get back. at this moment in time i only have her to talk abt my problems. if i say to much to the rest, im afraid they'd find me weird.

its been another milestone achieved. i've just completed a portrait! though it was from a pic. but i feel confident that i can do live sketches now, although i think it may take some time! my sketchbook's turning out really fine. wat a fabulous idea it was. finally, an orderly way to maintain all my works n ideas.

note to self: pls rezal, dont give up on the book.

2002-12-13T05:00:00.000-08:00

death.
something so devastating yet very much inevitable. my uncle just passed away. sitting in the bus beside the coffin, it got me thinking. in the end, after so many years, so many hardships, so many joys, it just boils down to this. i guess to make full use of ur life here on earth, u've gotta make an impact on society, change some things or the least, make an impact on people's lives. do everything that u've always wanted to n always always go further than ur limits. if not, like wat bruce lee would say, "u might as well die".

have u ever thought wat the worst fear of ur life is? well, today i just realised wat it was. at least for the moment. its the fear of losing my parents, any one of them. i guess we take it for granted that they'll always be there that u dont realise that one day they may just cease to exist.

my cousin, the son of the deceased, came in cuffs to see his father. he had been in prison for the past few years. n it was the same scene when his mother died last year. he was late..almost too late. i just couldnt believe wat it would be like if they had not waited for him n left for the cemetary. when he arrived, everyone weeped, not for the deceased, but for my cousin's plight. just imagine, u get to see ur father's face for only a brief 2 mins before they had to cover it up n proceed to the cemetary. i almost cried too. the person u knew frm the day u were born had to go, n not only didnt u say goodbye when he was alive, u cant even do it when he's dead.

2002-12-11T21:18:00.000-08:00

1.00pm
just watched "the rocket boys". an inspirational movie of a true account of a guy who loves building rockets. but faced much opposition especially frm his father who wanted him to work in the mines. he finally got his dream, went to college n went on to become a NASA engineer.

somehow his story reminded me so much of myself. i've got many dreams n ambitions (though i shld admit that most of them r juz wishful thinking on my part). nevertheless, no matter wat i do, i never get the support frm my family. they never know wat im good at or liked for that matter. well, maybe im to blame for not interacting with them too much. at one time in my life, there was yati who inspired me so much to do wat i love, watever it may be...music, sports or the arts. now im back to solidarity. well, bruce lee said "in solitude you are least alone. make good use of it." i've always wondered wat that means. but i'll try to make good use of the time i have rite now. im free now n the possibilities r endless.

2002-12-11T07:53:00.000-08:00

this is number one. the story's just begun. today is a big turning point in the life stage of my singlehood. finally, i've found the balance that i was searching for. i no longer feel like the feather i was for the past 2 to 3 months. i've finally settled down, hopefully with no wind to blow me up again.
i wonder wat caused this. partly, it may be due to this blog stuff which let me think twice abt starting life afresh. it could be due to the sketch book cum journal that i just bought which will allow me to start fresh again. it could also be stuff hedirman said to me juz now. im not sure but watever it is, i feel reborn, like a phoenix's rebirth out of its own ashes.
there's no turning back rite now. the gun has sounded. a whole new race has begun.

2002-12-10T09:24:00.000-08:00

hi. this is page zero. read on. u might find something interesting in the mess that i will create.